Never Leave
by FinalKingdom87
Summary: Beverly and JeanLuc's last night together before she leaves for Starfleet Medical. Post Nemisis. R&R Please!


**Never Leave ****  
  
****_By: Windguardian87_ **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek though I wish I did.****  
**

He stood in his quarters watching the stars fly by at warp speed. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there, deep in thought. 

He actually couldn't believe that this day had finally come. She was leaving tomorrow for Earth to take command of Starfleet Medical. This was her last day aboard the 'Enterprise'

Everyone close to her had said their goodbyes earlier that day, but not him. Not him. Captain Picard: A man who should be able to just say goodbye and be done with it all. But he had never had a relationship with any other woman or any other being for that matter that was even remotely close to the one he'd shared with her for so very long.

This night was her last here. It would be the last night that he would be able to spend with her; their last dinner together. It was set to be casual, more set to not be in uniform. Just a friendly goodbye. But that wasn't how he felt for her. Not anymore at least.

Very recently, feelings he though he had long since buried deep inside were starting to resurface yet again.

It was his dreams that began to reinstate his feelings for her. The dreams were fuzzy at first and completely disoriented, but in short amounts of time they became clearer. Jean-Luc Picard found his dreams showing himself with Beverly sharing a future together, a family and a love that neither had been afraid to express. He found himself looking differently upon his soon to be, former chief Medical Officer. As he found what was happening, he found that he both welcomed and pushed away these feelings.

These feelings brought another feeling to mind: Betrayal. Of course it had been so long ago when Jack Crusher died, and to this day Picard still felt more than responsible for his death. Any relationship ever pursued between he and Beverly would most likely be foiled by that mere thought.

Picard's thoughts were interrupted by the clock chiming on the wall. Beverly would be here for dinner in a half hours time. Sighing at the thought that his dreams would never come true, he walked to the replicator and began preparations for dinner as he set the table. After the task was done he started for his room to dress for the evening as he was still in his Starfleet uniform. Dark grey, almost black slacks and a deep teal loose shirt to complete his outfit.

Walking out of his bedroom he stopped short of the dining table when he heard the chime signaling that someone was outside of his quarters. 

"Come." He said in his normal fashion. He watched the door slide open and close as the doctor he felt so strongly for entered his quarters. She was wearing a stunningly beautiful beige dress that hugged to her form leaving her look as beautiful as he'd ever seen her before. Her hair fell loosely at the sides of her face. She truly was more strikingly beautiful than he'd seen her in a long time.

True Jean-Luc hadn't seen her in this specific attire before, but she had indeed worn it to dinner with him once before or at least she thought it was him at the time, only to find out it was only a replica of the Captain. Nonetheless Beverly was still as beautiful as ever.

The Captain smiled softly at her as she walked into the room.

"You look stunning." He said as he walked around the table to hold her chair out for her as she sat down.

"Thank you. You look very handsome yourself, Jean-Luc." Beverly said smiling. "And if I may say so, you seemed quite speechless when I walked in." Beverly said with a sly smile spreading across her face.

"Is that so?" Jean-Luc said as he walked over to his chair and sat down. Looking back at her still smiling he said, "Well I was." 

"Jean-Luc, speechless is something I've never known you to be."

"No," he replied "Speechless is something I've know you never to be. Ever."

"You're right." Beverly said, a soft laugh escaping her. She sounded so angelic when she laughed like that with a smile a breathtaking as hers.

Dinner had gone smoothly as could be expected. Both speaking of the past and what was to come in the future. It had pained him to hear Beverly speak of what she needed to do before leaving and getting started at Starfleet Medical. All the same, he was glad to see her so happy. It truly was a bitter-sweet irony that set in the air between the two of them.

He hadn't realized how long he had been off in his own thoughts until Beverly's voice caught his attention once again.

"I'm sorry Beverly. I've been somewhat distracted as of late."

"I can tell." Beverly said as they both arose from their chairs and walked over to the couch where she took his hand in her own. "I can also tell you've been out of it for some time. What's wrong Jean-Luc?"

Picard took in a deep breath. He didn't know if he should tell her. More so, he didn't know if he had the courage to tell her what had been bothering him these past few weeks. In the end he knew he would tell her how he felt. He always did.

I've wanted to tell you for weeks, but I haven't been able to find courage enough to tell you."

Beverly's expression changed to one of seriousness, her eyes never leaving his stern, loving, protective eyes. Deep brown in color, Beverly knew she could lose herself in them. It had happened before; destined to happen again. But that was far more dangerous territory that what they were in now. A place neither should go but have a want so powerful, it would be foolish to stop now.

"Jean-Luc, what is it?"

"You don't already know?" He said softly, looking away then up at her.

How could she not know? For she felt the same for him, but these words she had said after the KesPrytt mission were still shown through, fresh in her mind as the day she had said them.

'_Maybe we should be afraid.'_

_'Damn!'_ she cursed herself. _'Damn it all for ever saying those words!'_

"I know Jean-Luc."

"I don't want you to leave." He said his voice breaking slightly.

"I know, but there is nothing I can do now." Beverly said her voice barely more than a whisper.

"Beverly," He said, his eyes saying what he was too afraid to say. It was what his heart was screaming at him to say, but his pride and fear of loss. He felt he was about to lose her anyway, so why not take one last chance?

"Beverly I –" He began to speak what he wanted to say but he still couldn't seem to form the words he yearned to say; the words she yearned to hear. "I can't… Of all the things, this is the one thing I cannot say to you."

"Jean-Luc, whatever it is that's –" Beverly began but was cut short when her companion arose from his chair and walked back to the dining table where a single candle was left burning. He seemed to have brought his concentration the small flame. Beverly rose as well and came up behind him, softly placing her hand on his shoulder. "Jean-Luc." She said trying to comfort him.

"You can't leave Beverly. I cannot even begin to imagine not seeing you every day as normal."

"I wish I weren't leaving either, because it will take me longer than I am used to, to get over the fact that you're not there."

Jean-Luc moved away from her once again. All of this was nonsense. Nothing that mattered was being said, and unless he said something nothing important would ever be said. Beverly was far too stubborn to say anything. He was just as bad, this was why nothing had already been said between them.

He cursed himself. This was pure cowardice! How? Why was he so afraid?

Picard remained ever silent as Beverly kept her own silence directed at him. She was leaving and there was nothing he could do to stand in her way.

""Why continue this?" said Jean-Luc, "Neither of us is going to say what we really want. I'm staring to think that it doesn't matter anymore."

"Jean-Luc, don't say that." Picard remained silent, as if he had nothing more to say to her. "Jean-Luc, say something… But don't go on saying that this, us, that it's the end or that none of it matters."

"What would you have me say Beverly?" He said in an angered but defeated tone of voice. "That after all these years I'm still in love with you? Tell you that when I thought I had trained all those feelings I had for you to go away, they return to haunt me with the shadow of what never happened and never will? Would like for me to fall to my knees and beg you to stay as I tell you how very much I still love you?"

Beverly watched him throughout his words. Everything she had suspected was true. He would make it so much harder to say goodbye, let alone leave. He would not even look at her now. They would break each other's hearts just to preserve something that would soon fall because other feelings were far too strong and had been growing for well over twenty years. But then, nothing about their relationship had ever been easy.

Longer time than was necessary had been given to them and both Beverly and Jean-Luc had rejected almost every moment of it. They were both being foolish for reasons they could no longer see. Everything was, once again, about to spill out.

"If you told me you loved me Jean-Luc, those exact, direct words, I would confess the same to you." Beverly said standing by him, turning him to face her. He turned his head at her words, and then turned fully to face her. They were so close.

They stood there, merely inches apart, just standing there watching. Looking in the others eyes, it was all there; Love for the other. One of them would have to make another movie in this game of torture they threw back at each other.

"I love you Beverly." He said his voice slightly more than a whisper. As he said those three simple, utter powerful words, both he and Beverly moved in ever closer.

"I love you Jean-Luc."

"Beverly I –" but he could say no more as the small gap between them was closed.

It was a soft kiss at first but soon became slightly more aggressive. It was filled with passion, fire, everything they had never been able to have or had been to afraid to take in the past.

After what seemed like an eternity, they broke apart. She looked up at him. If she left his heart would crumble, both of theirs would. It was a sad truth that when both had finally gathered to courage to say how they felt, they would be torn apart.

Beverly stood there as he held her in his arms. This shouldn't go on. It shouldn't have ever happened, but it did, and there was no going back.

"I think I should be going." Beverly said releasing herself from his embrace until only her hand was held in his own.

"Beverly wait." Jean-Luc said. "Stay with me." He said simply. Beverly looked back at him, her expression not wanting to repeat earlier words of saying she could not stay. "At least for tonight." He added.

Beverly looked back at him. She wanted to stay with him as well but she was too afraid to say so.

"Of course Jean-Luc." She said softly and went back to him, back to his warm, protective embrace.

He kissed her gently once more as he led her to the bedroom. That night both Jean-Luc and Beverly lived out what they had wanted to do for years. The night was wrought with passion, with so many different emotions: Fear, happiness, sadness, pride, a sense of protectiveness, but throughout all these mixed emotions and more, never but once was there the sense of regret. The only exception of regret was what they both felt; The regret of never having been together before.

Jean-Luc awoke earlier than usual the next morning. It didn't faze him as he hadn't really slept much at all last night, if he had slept at all. Picard looked away from the wall his head was turned toward. He saw Beverly sleeping peacefully still, her hand on his chest whilst her head rested on his arm he held her so close with. He looked at the clock on the wall, another hour or so and she would wake only to get ready to leave.

It was tearing him apart that when they finally acted on their feelings for one another they would be parting ways. He was thinking that the previous night should not have happened but at the same time was glad that it had. Thoughts raced through his mind of how much he truly wanted her to stay; If he could leave the _Enterprise_ to stay with her; What they would do if they were to stay together. More thoughts of the same nature came and went through his mind. He hadn't realized how much time had past until he felt Beverly stir beside him.

"Good morning." She told him with a soft smile.

"Good morning yourself." Jean-Luc said kissing her lips gently.

Not many more words had passed as they both readied for the day ahead. Breakfast was unusually quiet that morning but Beverly was the first of them to speak.

"I'm going to miss you Jean-Luc. I feel like I can't even say how much everything has already changed."

"I think I have an idea." Picard said his voice low as if he hadn't had the will to speak at all on this depressing morning. "I wish you weren't leaving Beverly."

"Please let's not start this again Jean-Luc. I do love you. I admit that now after all this time, but this is just something I have to do."

I know." Was all his reply was as he rose from his chair and walked over to her. Beverly stood with him as he came to her. They were silent for a short while until he spoke again. "I still love you and I always will, and if you come back I'll still be here waiting for you." Jean-Luc said as they moved in and kissed one last time before she readied to leave.

"Why do you have to leave?" He asked holding her close to him still.

"Why do you have to stay?" Beverly asked him in return.


End file.
